chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary
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The muck and mire
you know what i think is the most mysterious thing about the human mind? The fact that you can pick up the scent of another just out of the clear blue.
I smelt you today in Walmart. In the garden section no less. with my brother and sister-in-law.
I smelt you outside as i was making my way to my car.
I smelt you at mom's house while i was drawing out my next tattoo.
it's weird because you may not even be thinking of that person but suddenly, the synopsis of the brain kicks in and you're overpowered by their scent. And the second you pay attention to it, take another deep breath in, it disappears.
I sat up with my sis in law for 2 hours tonight just talking. It was quite nice. I learned so many things about her that i never knew. And never would've imagined.
1. She suffers terribly from anxiety attacks and requires pretty serious medication at times.
2. She use to be a cutter. And her parents almost hospitalized her because of it. Her last temptation to cut was just a few weeks ago...and my brother brought her out of it.
3. Suicide is something she thinks about occasionally.
4. She suffers from the same depression, anxiety, overanalyzing, neurotic compulsions I do.
5. She sees a shrink on a regular basis.
We talked about alot of things. She helped me to understand some of the inner issues I have struggled with for the past few days. Not that I think i honestly really need it but i do miss the medication. And i do miss the shrink.
For now, I am ok. But that could be because of the liquid medication taken in tonight.
You seriously don't know how bad i just want to sleep in tomorrow. But i have to get up and teach the kiddies tomorrow. And i know sometimes just being in the presence of such carefree spirits brings such a healing power into me. So i won't look at tomorrow morning as a sense of dread or damn i just wanna be alone...i am going not only to give to those kids, but receive from them as well.
On a brighter note, they brought their 2 kitties with them. Rouge, a tortie who my brother shaves in the summer cuz she has such long hair and Hunter, a 3 month old kitten that looks just like Zoey.
Hunter is soooooo CUTE! Rouge has adopted him as her child and they go everywhere together and do everything together. It's sooo cute. And Hunter will lay in your lap, let you rub his belly and fall asleep face up. Too adorable. My bro got some pics on his digital so when he emails them to me, I'll be sure to share.
And yes, I'm getting more ink done. And I'm at the point now where I honestly don't care what people think about it. I drew up a bunch of stars but the coloring of them is done in negative space. Basically, instead of the stars being colore, the space around them is. It's actually quite cute. I'm gonna get them done on the side of my torso. From about 3 inches below my armpit to my hip. Soooo friggin awesome. Just on the left side. I found a shop I want to get my work done and was referred to one guy that I'm gonna meet up with next week to see how much he's gonna charge me. I've seen his free-hand work and it's really sweeeeet. I just hope he can do negative space like i want it.
Ok, my webcam takes HORRID pictures so this looks like crap but here's the idea:
Yeah, it gives me something to look forward to.
Peace out.
12:48 a.m. - July 17, 2005
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