chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This entry proudly sponsored by PMS I think im really starving for human contact. rose doesn't talk to me much anymore and i feel this may be the result of something i said or did. but then she is going to see her fiance in a few days so i know her focus is all about that. but it's just odd. like shes giving blatant disregard to my presence at times.... sigh My flesh hurts right now with the desire to be touched. the desire to feel the warmth of another close by. to hear the slow rhymic breathing of another next to my ear. and to feel a heartbeat against mine. I really thought i was over the loneliness aspect but my god....I've never missed someone so much that it physically hurts. and i want to stifle these feelings, theses slivers, these desires...but they just press deeper within. Like i MUST pay attention to them. But i don't understand why. I find myself suddenly crying for a few minutes and then, im back to what i was doing. And then again, i find myself with the biggest grin on my face and lost in thought when i should be concentrating on something else. i miss being wanted. sometimes i just feel like i have no purpose. nothing to offer other people. why am i even here if no one wants you. im just tired. I've never felt more alone before, than now. 4:31 p.m. - August 06, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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