chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 Stages of Grief For some reason, i was thinking about things that have been going on with me.... ...not drinking yeah...needless to say, I know i have some pretty awesome and great friends. Some are great in that they totally let me get all emotional and completely bawl on the phone, some give me great advice and help me to remember that i'm still young and i can only live once. then some that let me vent but are able to quickly put my focus back on where it should be. then there's some that completely take my mind off my probs by talking about stuff that makes no sense or is just flat out wrong but so fuckin' funny you HAVE to laugh. Yet i find that im still going through a grieving process of sorts. and i thought about this grieving process and suddenly remembered the 5 Stages of Grief that i learned in a psych class. I think these not only are applicable to when a loved one dies physically....but if perhaps you've lost someone close to you emotionally. These stages are in no particular order as they seem to vary person to person but i will put them in the order that i have been experiencing them. The thoughts listed are some that are of my own and some that are probably pretty common to someone facing that particular stage of grief. Bargaining - usually done before the imminant lose. you'll do anything to keep them from leaving your life. you promise anything, say anything. if your religious, you pray to God that they don't leave you. usually this is a self-absorbed prayer for you're not praying what's good for them...but what's good for you. you promise to be a better person, to never do it again, that it didn't affect you as much as it really did. Denial - This is when usually the party refuses to acknowledge the facts or the decision of another. they feel that "oh, they'll pull through it..." "this isn't really over" "I just need to give them their space...they'll be back." "this isn't happening to us..." This stage usually involves also reading old messages, emails, letters, cards, etc....to make oneself feel better that maybe they won't actually leave. There's no crying and when you feel like crying...typically you tell yourself "no, i will not cry...this is not happening." Anger - "why are they doing this to me?" "what did i do wrong?" you rehash everything they said and did and feel like it was all a lie. typically you start thinking of ways to get back at them...hardening your heart, bragging about a one night stand, talking bad about them and blaming them for everything that went wrong. You may also begin to wonder how genuine your relationship was in the first place. Depression - oh for the love of all that is good and holy...this is the stage i can't seem to get beyond. ever. in my life. This is when overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity seem to take the wheel and drive. You begin to mourn the loss of any hopes, dreams, or plans you either did have or thought to have for them.. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. (although im certainly not thinking of killing myself) People tend to give into their vices to control the pain and sadness such as alcohol and/or drugs. Acceptance - there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a relationship. Realization that the person is gone and may not have left you on purpose. Find the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of the person. Regardless of what stage you may be going through, one must remember that there are others in their life that care about them and will support them no matter what. You don't have to go through the process alone. And sometimes, you just need to get them out of your system to gain the proper perspective of things again. I hope like hell i didn't lose him.....i hope like hell this is just a phase and that eventually he will pull through and be stronger, better, than before. but if there's a few things i've learned thus far...and that i can pass on to my readers.... Don't take for granted the people in your life who really do care and love you. Because when they're gone, you may never have the chance to regain what has been lost. If you have a problem with them....CALL THEM or VISIT WITH THEM...don't do the email/blog/comment/message/bulletin bullshit....because it will ALWAYS distort and turn ugly....because you can't hear their tone of voice. you can't see their body language...you may very well be overreacting to something that is NOT.THAT.BIG.OF.A.DEAL. Don't spout off the first emotion, thought, or action that comes to mind when you feel you've been wronged....take some time, get by yourself and rehash it to YOURSELF. Now's not the time to run to the first person in your phone book or on your IM....if i did that half the time, i would save myself a whole lot of DRAMA instead of just immediately reacting to what is being done, said, written. Respect their decision. If they chose to part their ways, then they've invoked the I-need-my-space Rule and you can't do anything about it. Don't email them, don't call them drunk at 2 in the morning (sorry), don't stalk them...if reading thorugh old emails, letters, cards, etc causes you too much pain....think about whether it's worth it to save those things. I personally don't delete anything but i have enough self-control sometimes to know that it's not good for me to read through the old stuff...maybe later. but not now. Keep yourself busy. this will keep you from reading through the old stuff, popping in the mix cd you made that reminds you of them, walking down the isles in walmart to smell their lotion or cologne. (im a dweeb i know) Find a hobby. Grief is ok....you're gonna mourn the lose of someone whom you really cared for. but you don't have to let it consume your life either..... 11:23 a.m. - September 26, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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