chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Desert

i really miss writing. I was reading through some of my old ones (which can be viewed by clicking the writings link there on the left) and man....

i really miss writing.

it frustrates me to a point because i want so badly to find that little place in the back of my mind, crawl into there, and just sit to feel, think, discover whatever maybe lurking there. But perhaps nothing is there lurking about.

Is it that there's peace in my life? A calmness i haven't felt in months? Tormenting slivers held at bay? I don't know. Not that i miss the chaos that generated most of what i wrote. But even pleasure slivers would be nice. But i find lately that those aren't being played out, felt out through words, but through simple imaginations.
_________________

no longer does she stare into empty space or into her mind, and find thoughts of anguish, distrust, anger, or uncertainty.

at least within others...

...but she is finding it in herself. desperately wanting to know her place, her passion, the driving force that will carry her through.

she surrenders so much of herself to inhuman things that are only habit forming, controlling, and dangerous...she just wants something to surrender to within herself that will benefit not only herself but others.

the drought between spells of written release have become drier and it tears her apart at times.

Standing alone in this written desert she finds herself parched, desperate for a drink. looking into the skies for clouds of relief that never seem to come at times.

But suddenly on the horizon she can see it coming. In the corners of her eyes she sees release...

Clouds forming in the distance, ominous of those from the storm that has slowly brewed within. She looks with satisfaction as she welcomes their slow approach to her dry and thirsty land.

But the clouds taunt her. Knowing she needs their release to pour over her, they hover. sometimes wondering if she's felt drops of refreshment, she finds her skin all the more dry.

and suddenly she hears the slow rumble and flashes of light. Looking to the clouds she swears they smile, as she smiles at them.
_________________

I've been told that it is my writing that is my passion. And i totally agree with that. it is my passion. i need it like i need air sometimes.

i can't quite describe what im feeling inside right now...but i want people to look at me, read my writings, and be completely motivated. i want them to find release in the things i have to say. and perhaps discover their own passion or purpose.

i have never felt the desire to motivate and encourage others more than i do now.

perhaps i am finally coming to peace within myself. discovering that i.am.ok. and that my life is more than anguish, stress, and tears. maybe everyone is right...when you finally come to peace with yourself, then you can be of use to others.

1:03 p.m. - August 02, 2005

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

cyanideeyes
vix280
bigpimpinmba
porktornado