chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Emptiness she searches so hard to find that thing that will fill the hole growing inside her heart day after day. Attempts to plaster it shut she finds are completely useless. Futility is a word she speaks too often to herself in her sleep. Unrealistic expectations, constant disappointments, frustrations that seeth through her pores have begun to suffocate the very breath she use to find so easy to take. Wanting to curl up on her knees into a ball to placate the winds of discontentment that steadily blow harder, sharper, and colder on her naked skin. Why does she lay herself out open and bare to anything that even bother stops to see who she is. She is tired of throwing herself in the arms of conformity and supposed contentments only to be shoved to the side like useless writing instruments that have been bled dry. needing to feel the weight of another next to her, on top of her, her arms ache with a passion she wonders will ever find a home. and she wonders if it really is an emotion she needs satisfied or if it's just perhaps the physical closeness, the heat, the scent of another she needs. As her heart hardens against the prospect of ever finding a source to fill the void, bile forms within her aching stomach. She realizes she much gain an immunity to the poison that begins to circulate throughout her system because she will not lay there and die. But she will stop searching in the darkness of all that has surrounded her for meaning.
11:50 a.m. - May 09, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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