chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For You tonight i actually had a good night with M. We went out, i was the desi (and not as sober as i let on honestly) and she had fun. which is nice to see her have fun for once.... ...and i came home. i tried desperately to not make phone calls, and found my efforts all useless. How i need to hear *your* voice sometimes. "You make this all go away. you make this all go away. i just want something....i just want something i can never have. you always were the one to show me how. back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now. this thing is slowly taking me apart. grey would be the color if i had a heart. come on tell me, you make this all go away. you make this all go away. im down to just one thing and im starting to scare myself. you make this all go away, you make this all go away, i just want something, i just want something i can never have....." i find myself wanting to release inside of me the demons that have tormented me for years. and strangely enough, i want to release them through you. but i am so desperately afraid. I'm afraid to show you the parts of me that i try to hide from others. im afraid to show you who i really am....because i don't know...i don't know if who i really am will scare you away. and the fear of losing you to who i am would destroy me. but i've never wanted more to reveal to you who i am than to anyone else. Sometimes i really feel that i can be myself with you. i can show you my strengths but most importantly, my weaknesses. you've taught me more about myself more than anyone else. and i've never experienced such a freedom...and such an imprisonment...with anyone else. i want you to see me for who i am. for who deep down inside, i want to be. thank you. thank you for allowing me the opportunity to be me....for once in my life. "you make this all go away, you make this all go away, im down to just one thing and im starting to scare myself. you make this all go away, you make it all go away" 3:27 a.m. - August 20, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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