chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary

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Release

A blank canvas stares at her filled with empty pages
Knowing the release of emotions hasn't been done in ages
thinking there was nothing inside that needed to be released
For once she thought maybe her emotions were deceased

but images and visions once again taunt her from afar
thoughts and intentions suddenly became bizarre
shaking in anticipation of all thats about to unfold
emotions, dreams, and visions that were left untold

her heartbeat quickens with the scribble of her pen
she knew the release was coming but not knowing how, where or when
and a tidal wave of emotions overtakes her senses
she finds herself once again whitewashing the fences

crippling desires she allowed to go unchecked
has left her alone on that empty path, with time to reflect
over the paths that she decided to lead herself down
now she stands alone in a surgical gown

for its time she asked herself if these paths are worthwhile
or even if she was truly versatile
to take on the barrage of complications that now ensue
leaving her vision off focus and completely askew.

she stands in the middle of this dusty road.
heartbeating faster, adrenaline surges in overload.
wanting to run as fast as she possibly can
to that point in time when all her futility began.

turning around, something beckons her to leave it all behind
she knows this is the only option left in her subconscious mind.
she sheds the gown that never discreetly hid her insecurity.
her pace quickens with each surge of hidden anxiety

Suddenly in full motion, her feet no longer touch the ground
spreading open her arms, a warm gently breeze the only sound
finding inside her head, the voices have now become silence.
no more whispered untruths, deception, and violence.

wanting to look behind her with bated breath
but knowing that to look back surely means death.
she will soar higher until she finds a new place to begin
where everything is behind her, including her secret sin.

and she knows this is a path she must take on her own
but how she desperately hates to be alone.
looking ahead of her, familiar faces appear
she finally sees who they truly are with vision now clear.

closing her eyes she flies all the more higher
embracing the truth that the breeze requires
twisting and turning, joy floods her very soul
she will once again come to the point where she actually feels whole.

No matter how many times I fall....no matter how many times i find myself on a road i know i don't belong on. no matter how many times i try to drown my problems with relationships, alcohol, and overall destruction....i will find the time to stop and reflect, to think upon the paths I've chosen to take, and i will once again see my Savior all along walking beside me...never leaving me....always holding me...and i will return to that point in time when i no longer am focused on who i can't be. on who i should be, on what i made myself to be. i will return to that path in life where i can say i am complete again. and no matter what obstacles, what roadblocks are placed....i.will.overcome. because i am self-made. i am self-taught. and i refuse any longer to poison myself with those immaterial things, places, and people who are slowly suffocating the very life out of me. and i will return to those things, places, and people who have done everything to encourage, strengthen, and helped build me when i was broken. my secret sins must come to light before the darkness overshadows my life. because i refuse to be welcomed by darkness any longer.

released.
release.
releasing.

12:35 p.m. - September 12, 2005

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