chikyblonde's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unexplainable Urge Ok, if this isn't the lyrics to my life right now...I don't know what is. I was unable to make a link to the song so it's in the background right now. There's a writing at the bottom of these lyrics that suddenly has found a life of its own. I love writing and I haven't felt this surge of energy, rise up within me in a long time. I LOVE when the music controls my fingers and my pen. Nothing has spoken to me sooo much more right now than this song. And I will listen to it over and over and over until whatever is needing to be birthed, or put to death, is done. Slipknot - Gently (Iowa) Gently, my mind escapes And whatever may come, it slowly disappears Yes, I will stay here for a while, This mode is incredible. I think i have to say this pretty much sums up my tiny little slivers that have been aching to pierce my broken down, weary flesh. And I must give in. For sanity beckons in the back of my mind. To wash over me, calm me, bring about the peace I only find when I submit myself to these slivers. Reaching within myself, to find myself, and rid myself of all that would pollute who I am and who I desire to be. For toxicity has built far too long in a system immuned to be poisoned. And i will drink no more from the cup of others who desire to slowly kill themselves. And I will no longer sit at the table of others who feast upon their selfish needs while staring at me, desiring that I turn into their food. I will not be the food of others. And as the glass slivers begin to draw blood, they begin to cut away at my seared conscience, hardened heart, and mixed emotions. A wave of fresh release is created the more i give in to the urges, give in to the cuts and tears. And something within rises, from the pit of my stomach. Unexplainable, uncontrollable, and unrelenting. As it makes its way to my voice I hear a noise and a language unknown, flowing out of my mouth. Words undecipherable pour forth as the slivers dig deeper. And I begin to tear at who I was...who others thought they could make me to be. Rotten flesh from broken bones, drenched in blood that reeks of death, I shed that callous, rank skin that cloaked over me. And with each sliver cutting even further, the skin becomes all that more easily removed. No longer able to control my bodily functions, no longer able to keep up with the mysterious words that come out of my mouth, no longer able to contain the beating that is steadily gaining momentum within myself I relinquish all control. And allow myself to once again become a bare-boned life form while internally, the supressed urges begin to heal over what others thought they could make me. For I am self-made and will not allow the disease of others to course through who i am anymore. 9:43 a.m. - May 30, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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